This Is Why I Accepted My Homosexuality

My friend linked me to this site. It is the work of a photographer that takes pictures of a person just before he or she is about to die, and afterwards. It's very interesting, and the comments on the side are often profound. And so I wanted to write this.

These people in his work told very dynamic stories about whether or not they wanted to die, how their life had been, etc. Some realized that they only wanted to live after they became terminally ill, others embraces death as just another part of the process. I wonder what I would say about my life if I were one of the subjects.

Well, I would like to say that life was great to me and every part was a blessing. I want a happy life, and I know I can make one for myself. But until I was 17, I was struggling with trying to change my sexuality. I was unhappy because I felt that God, who created me and how I am, would be disgusted if I acted on my feelings. It was not part of the plan for Eternal Happiness, so if I gave up this life to misery then maybe I'd be happy for the rest of my existance.

Then I broke, and I couldn't handle the struggle anymore. I acted on my feelings for the first time by kissing another boy. I felt liberated. I felt a rush of happiness come over me. I was wary, though, because afterwards I felt shameful for going back on God. But then I realized during a time of internal thought battles I had with myself, God gave me feelings to be happy and to grow. Homosexuality is based in emotion and love just as heterosexuality is, and He gave me this gift. He gave it to me as a tool for happiness and growth in my life, and I am grateful for it.

I choose to live a happy life. I will not surpress love and emotion until I am dead because there is no sense in it. The Creator did not intend to afflict me so I would be miserable for life; he gave this to me to open my eyes, mind, and heart to a fuller life. It is a gift so I would discover myself, help others to do the same, and be happy. Had I been heterosexual, I would be completely different.

If I ever became a subject in this artist's work, I will be able to tell him that life was amazing to me, and my only regret is that I will not be able to experience more. I experienced every emotion my heart can feel, and I discovered happiness can come from accepting those emotions and surpressing none. Doing so would be to deny ourselves what is necessary and good.

I accepted my homosexuality because I want a happy life. There is nothing wrong with that.